Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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