ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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