its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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