Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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