Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
