The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
