Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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