he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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