So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
how does that bad decision feel?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
