I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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