She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
My vagina is very pro this idea
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
