Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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