Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
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