My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Randomize
