One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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