She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
