Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
