This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
