I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
