pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
