What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
