his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
