I didn't shave. On purpose
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Randomize
