I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
