Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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