you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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