He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
