wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
