If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
