I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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