I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
