Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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