i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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