Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
