If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
