I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
