yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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