OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
bring money and cleavage
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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