You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize