i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize