I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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