Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
