I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
