Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I won't apologize to a one balled man
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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