hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
