My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
this just has baby written all over it
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
