Kiss
Puke
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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