Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize