NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
high people should be assigned attendants
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
