drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize