Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
