Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
