So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
