I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Randomize
