Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
