i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
