atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
