The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
