I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
