Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
It's shark week go big or go home
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
