I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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