last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
