I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
