White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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