i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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