Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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