So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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