You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
