That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
