i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I want to make a zoo with you.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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