I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
