i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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